Honest Trailers – Guardians of the Galaxy


Ok, ok, we got it! Keep your star pants on! Without the rights to some of its most popular
titles and its biggest stars’ contracts about to
expire, watch Marvel Studios scrape the bottom of
the barrel for their obscure 70’s comic book that barely anyone
read proving once and for all we’ll see ANYTHING
if you slap Marvel’s name in front of it. Guardians of the Galaxy. Suit up for Marvel’s attempt at Star Wars, in a science fantasy adventure about heroes
you’ve never heard of “Star-Lord.” “Who?” protecting a planet none of them live on from an underdeveloped alien villain whose
problems you couldn’t care less about. … We’re really reaching here. This was a
fun movie. Journey across the galaxy to meet this gang
of lovable misfits. There’s Captain Star-Lord, from America. The
human leader from a different time and place… like Captain America. Gamora, the Black Widow-ish leatherclad female
assassin… like Black Widow. Drax, the guy with killer aaaabs who doesn’t
understand our customs in a Thor kind of way… Groot, a big hulking tree. Get it? And Rocket, the wisecracking tech genius with
a drinking problem, like Tony Stark. What I’m trying to say is, they’re the Space
Avengers. I guess it’s technically it’s not stealing
if they’re ripping off themselves. Watch the guardians race to find an excuse
for more Avengers sequels by chasing after the Infinity Stone — an orb of world conquering power that no one
bothers to guard and a gem so powerful it can kill you just
by touching it unless you’re this guy… or you can join hands to disperse its power… unless you’re these guys… or you can just jam it into a hammer and use
it safely from there. It’s best not to think about it too hard. You thought the Avengers was nerdy? You ain’t seen nothing yet. Between all the action and comedy, get ready
for a whole lot of space mumbo jumbo. “I will unfurl one thousand years of Kree
justice on Xandar.” “What’s important now is we get the Ravagers’
army to help us save Xandar.” “So we can give the stone to Yondu?” “The remnants of these systems were forged
into concentrated ingots…” Then if you can figure any of that out, try
to figure out why this blue alien isn’t working with THIS blue alien who’s working for THIS blue alien to kill this GREEN alien who both want to kill this PURPLE alien as does this Christmas-colored alien. But if you get confused, just remember: the hero is still the white guy. So experience the swagger of a movie studio
drunk on its own power, as Marvel trolls the world with balls out
middle fingers to the audience they know they have in the palm of their hands. Oh, you like superheroes? Well how about a
movie that stars a f***ing raccoon and a f***ing tree? You like Vin Diesel? Yeah well we cast him
and he only says one f***ing line. “I. AM. GROOT.” You want more some pedigreed actors? We’ll
put ’em in stupid outfits and make ’em say space bullsh*t. “All Nova pilots interlock and form a blockade.” Because who doesn’t want to be in a f***ing
Marvel movie? Hey recognize that chubby idiot from Parks
and Rec? We’re gonna turn into a sex symbol, that would be hilarious… Remember the worst movie we ever made, Howard
the Duck? Stick that after the credits when everyone’s expecting Avengers
2… it’ll totally f*** with our fans and they’ll
love it anyways. Speaking of which, remember Thanos from that
one scene at the end of The Avengers a few years ago? Well, we’re bringing him back,
and he’s STILL not doing sh*t. Why? Because f*** you we’re Marvel, that’s
why. What are you gonna do, watch DC? “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Thought so. Starring… Marvel Chris #3 Green Neytiri Drax On, Drax Off Chewbarka The Coon Blue Man Group Dr. Steve Brule and Darkseid Marvel’s Space Avengers Ok, I get where Star-Lord’s Walkman came from,
but where do you get a tape deck for a spaceship? Galaxy Shack?

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