Someone once said “my channel is a garden
I never stop tending”. They wrote this in a forum that youtube deleted because they
no longer wanted to maintain it, which is pretty hilariously ironic, and also says a
lot about the state of things here. my channel is a small garden. there are just
over 230 plants here; some of them are deep-rooted trees that won’t fall down come hell or high
water, and some are small saplings that i have to tend with regular videos and communication,
or they’ll die off. it happens. meanwhile, i have to try to plant as many
flowers as possible to make visitors’ jaws drop, to entice them to root themselves here
and watch the bees buzz around for as long as they can.
i have to try to plant nourishing fruit and vegetables to help us survive and thrive,
and also set up a waterslide, because, let’s face it, we don’t always just need a bouquet
of roses. of course, when you don’t tend to it for a
while, things start dying out. i don’t want that to happen. i don’t want the beautiful
parts pecked away and the whole place overgrown with weeds. that isn’t down to you guys – that’s
down to me. youtube is important to me, and how i look after this garden often reflects
how i’m looking after myself. the good news is, i’m looking after myself a bit better
these days, so i’m ready to plant, and feed the plants, and sing to the plants, heck,
i’ll do most things to see these plants grow up tall.
the issue is that nature is unpredictable. i’m a groundskeeper who likes a lot of control,
so it intimidates me that a new weed could sprout here and spread, or even that the most
beautiful flower in the garden could have its seeds travel far and wide and begin to
grow out of control. that can be a wonderful thing, but if the jamie-flower spreads farther
than my little field, i can’t tell if someone miles away will be horribly allergic to it,
or if people will consider it a weed, or if it really takes to the soil somewhere in a
town that votes ukip and gets to be known as the ‘racist flower’.
i should stop being scared of the idea of that spread, though. most people would call
that “success” i’m a little bit scared of success. but i
shouldn’t be. i can’t control everything forever. i’m not at all afraid of failure, though,
if failure means keeping a beautiful little garden for myself and for my friends. or,
worst case scenario, if i plant a garden that only blooms for one season, because hopefully,
the memories that i give the visitors won’t ever wither.